The Dumb, The Dumber, and the Even More Dumberer

I realize that I have not kept up my weekly edition of "The Good, The Bad..." as I had promised and so to rectify this situation, I present this post for your reading enjoyment.
(Disclaimer: I do not like Hollywood. I think 99% of the people in Hollywood are fake, immoral, dishonest, spoiled pigs without a brain. If you are at all of a different mindset, stop reading now, because this is about to get ugly.)

THE DUMB
This week, the coveted position of "The Dumb" goes to none other than the great, talented, praise-worthy rapper, Kanye West.
Congratulations, Kanye.
Now, we all know about his legendary "George Bush doesn't care about black people" comment, but what about this gem of a statement that Kanye was quoted saying,
"The Bible had 20,30,40,50 characters in it. You don't think that I would be one of the characters of today's modern Bible?"

Exactly which one of the 30 characters in the Bible do you think he would be?
I plead no comment.


THE DUMBER
The "Dumber" award also goes out to Kanye this week.
Recently, I read a story on how Kanye West is a "proud non-reader" and has "no respect" for books. He said,
"Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph."

Well said.
That's fine that he doesn't like books. I know some of you reading this don't love books the way I do, and that is FINE! But, how stupid does he sound right now?!

Pretty darn stupid.

And, take just a moment to appreciate the irony that the world's cockiest man just called a book "self-absorbed."
P.S. He also said once that "my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live."
Wow.

THE EVEN MORE DUMBERER
award goes to, yes; Kanye West.
(My spell check thinks that "dumberer" is not a word.
I beg to differ.)

Did you see this?!
(by the way, all videos on youtube of this "incident" have been removed. hmmm...)
It was un.real.
Most disturbing thing about the whole situation? Kanye West believes this:
"I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade."

Scary.

(Did you hear that Pres. Obama even called him a jack-a!!!
Well, at least we finally agree on something...)

Some Little Moments...

Melt my heart.

Like when I wake up in the morning and find my kids spooning naked on the couch.
(Notice how Aubrey took off all her clothes and her diaper, but felt the need to put her shoes on.)

Some little moments...

Make me want to do back flips down the isles of church.
Like the moment today when I was released from Scouts!!

Some little moments...
Make me smile.
I can't even explain exactly why.
And I don't feel like I need to.

And some little moments...
Make me want to repent.
Like how I feel kind of guilty about the back flip thing.

Some little moments...
Make me want to eat my children.
Do any of you other mothers get this urge? (Please say yes!) This picture seriously makes me want to scoop Aubrey up, drizzle her with caramel and eat her all gone!
(click on this picture to enlarge it, and then try to tell me that you don't want to eat her too. just try.)

Some little moments...
Make me laugh hysterically
(and not in a funny way, but in a "that girl should be in therapy" kind of way)
Like on Saturday at the mall when I was on my way to change one of Aubrey's stinkiest diapers on record and Brooklyn announced loudly to an entire elevator FULL of people,
"Dang, Aubrey! Your butt stinks!!"

And some little moments...
Make me wonder
where did my child learn the word "butt"?
(or "dang"?)

And some little moments...
Take my breath away
Like when I find pictures from a year ago (exactly) and I can hardly believe how quickly they grow up.

(The stinky diaper experience could also fit under the "take my breath away" moment.
I can't even describe to you exactly how stinky it really was.)

A Series of Fortunate Events

It all started with a chair.

(Name that movie quote...)
This chair, to be exact.
I found it one day in someone's dusty old garage and at first, I walked right by it. And then I took a closer look and I paid my $2 for it and I loaded it into my car and brought it into our lives. When I got home, Luke took one look at it and said,
"Oh, great. You paid $2 for a chair so I can carry it to the dumpster."

I smiled and replied, "Oh, ye of little faith."
A few hours later we girls were out in full creative force, determined to show the world (aka Luke) what some paint and a little t.l.c. can do.

Before:

During:
After:

Now, for part 2 of this post:
A SERIES OF FORTUNATE EVENTS
(I'm reading that series of books right now, by the way... amazing.)
Anyway, like I said,
It started with a chair.
In fact, it started with Luke sitting in the chair for his time out.
Which led to Brooklyn doing "crazy eyes" to entertain him while he served his debt to society.

Which led to Luke and Ashley trying to show their affection for the "time out" chair.
Which led to them trying some more.
And some more.
And even once more.
Which led to Aubrey getting sick of me and shutting me out of their room.
Which led to Luke hiding under the bed.
Which led to the girls sprinting down the hall.
Which led to more sprinting down the hall.
Which led to me trying to grab them.
Which led to me getting tired and making Luke get them both into the room by himself. Which led to non-compliant children.

Which led to time out.
And so, it all ended with a chair.

I hope you dance

What is it about music that makes even little children get this uncontrollable move to twist and jiggle their bodies?
And why is that so ridiculously fun? Have you ever noticed that people can't stop smiling when they're dancing? I'm pretty sure it is a physical impossibility. In fact, if everyone just once a day took the time to dance around their kitchen, the world would be a happier place.
Watch the video (steal some of the kid's moves) and then go get your grove on in the kitchen. You'll feel better.

I would totally date this kid.
Except I'm married.
And I would be arrested.

Meet...

Brigham Stromberg.
He has big, beautiful eyes. The most darling little nose. The tiniest perfect hands. The most soft and silky hair. And he melted my heart. Thanks for letting me steal your baby for a half hour Mindy!!

The big brother, Rykker.

And the whole adorable family.

He'll be breaking some hearts.
Trust me.

If you want your child to stop sucking her thumb...

just show her this picture.

Works like a charm.

Don't judge.

What do you do when...

you stumble upon a perfect day,

in a perfect setting,

with the perfect outfits,

the perfect children,

the perfect lighting,

and you just happen to have your perfect camera? I submit that you take pictures.

Lots and lots of pictures.

Two Year Old Awesomeness

Today we were driving home from lunch at the school with Luke when both of my girls promptly feel asleep in their car seats. After about 10 minutes of complete silence in the car, I slammed on the breaks when I got cut off by another car, and Aubrey awoke suddenly with the biggest eyes and screamed,

"I don't want to share!!
Where's Daddy? Oh, nooooo!
We should have popsicles!"

And then she instantly closed her eyes and fell back asleep.

I almost got in an accident I was laughing so hard.
Oh, the things that go on inside a two year old's head.

When Life Gives You...

pebbles,

throw them in the pond.
When life gives you a Farmer's Market,
eat a whole bag of Kettle Korn.

When life (or a really short-sighted mom) gives you a paintbrush,
Paint.
(Quickly - before she takes it away)

When life gives you a tunnel,
Run through it while screaming.

And when life gives you a rainstorm in summer,
Dance in it with your dad.

The Awkward, the Even More Awkward, and the Truly Wonderful

This week's episode of "The Good..." is a tribute to my loving and devoted husband on our 4th Anniversary. I never knew four years could fly by so fast and yet seem like such a lifetime ago.

Girls, you know how you fantasize about your wedding your whole life (you did. you know you did.) and then it's over in only a few short hours? Well, here are the awkward, the even more awkward, and the truly wonderful moments of mine.

The Awkward
My brother, Brad was our "DJ" - if standing on the stage and trying to look cool counts as being a DJ. (Just kidding, Brad.)
Well, right as we were wrapping things up and preparing to make a run for it, my brother announces that everyone should head outside if they want to see us off, and then says,
"Congratulations Adam and Ashley!!!....
and....
Luke."
(Adam was my long-time boyfriend all through high school.)

Classic.

The Even More Awkward
My amazing bridesmaids were so thoughtful and decorated our honeymoon suite with flowers, chocolates, and certain other things that shall remain nameless. Right before I left, my sister mentioned what number our hotel room was. But, when we went to check in that night the hotel gave us a different room number. Very concerned, I explained that the other room had been decorated especially for us and that there was some mistake. She told us that that room was registered to a "Mr. and Mrs. Lynn Webb" (who happen to be Luke's parents!!!)

Now that would have been awkward....

The Truly Wonderful
Despite the blisters on my feet, the corset that almost broke one of my ribs, the earrings that took three people to get them in, the fact that we arrived an hour late to our own luncheon, and having to make Brittany hold my dress for me while I went pee, it was one of the most magical days of my life, and more than anything else, I remember being truly happy.
I mean genuinely, I-can't-possibly-smile-any-bigger-than-this, out of my mind, happy.

Happy Anniversary, Luke.
I love you.