Our Visit to Suckville

*Warning: This post should be read as if dripping with sarcasm.  (Sarcasm is my coping mechanism. Also rambling.  I may do both in this post.)  My kids have been struggling to grasp the concept of sarcasm lately.  For example, the day that Cameron got hold of a blue marker and decided to express his creativity all over the wall, I very sarcastically said, "Oh, wow, Cameron.  That is absolutely beautiful."  To which Aubrey responded, "I know!  He is amazing!!"  

No.  

Just - No.

So, in case you struggle like my children, I will emphasize every time I am being sarcastic with one of these: *.

You're welcome.  

The last few weeks have been my favorite. *

First of all, we discovered we had a underslab water leak in the house.  Yay!! ****

The water was turned off for a few solid days, which wasn't a big deal, because we hardly ever even use water at all. *  Except for showers.... and drinking.... and dishes.... and laundry.... and cleaning.... and hand washing.... and cooking... and bathing... and watering plants... and flushing #2's.

Luckily, my super sweet friend let us intrude all over her privacy and bathe our naked bodies over at her house on day #3.

It was one of our finest moments. *

Also, the leak was fixed with no drilling, jackhammering, explosions, or bulldozers.  And it was less than $300 to fix.  So, sadly, I'll take it.

 Second of all, Cameron almost died and then I almost killed myself.

We decided that it would be super fun to head to the park one day for a lovely little picnic.  The girls jumped on their bikes, I loaded Cameron into his little push-car-thingy and off we went.  About 30 seconds into our little trip, both girls discovered (the hard way) that our street is not exactly flat.  In fact, it's rather quite steep. 

Brooklyn was able to save herself, but Aubrey - not so much.

She went flying (and I mean FLYING) down the sidewalk swirving, rocking, screaming, crying, and dangerously zooming towards the street with no sign of being able to stop herself. 

It wasn't looking good, folks.

So, I pushed Cameron over to one side of the sidewalk, hoping the grass would slow him down, and sprinted to save Aubrey.  

She was in hysterics.

She was getting closer and closer to the curb and closer and closer to the street.  

Her front tire went off the curb, she flipped over her bike, and I caught her head about a foot off the ground.  

Unfortunately, that was about the time that I turned around to see Cameron flying down the sidewalk towards us (quite enjoying himself, actually).  We were about a  house away from him already and there was nothing we could do except watch as his little car went barreling toward the curb.  It went right over, flipping completely upside down, slamming his unprotected head into the asphalt, and dragging him a few feet while he was trapped underneath his overturned car.  

By the time I got to  him and flipped him over, the bump on  his head was already the size of a golf ball.

(It's about half as big in the pictures as it was right when it happened.)

His lip and chin were cut and bleeding and everyone in the family (no exceptions) was wailing.  Big time.  Tears. And snot. And one or two snot bubbles.  It was very attractive to the neighbors, I'm sure. *

Aubrey's first intelligible sentence was, "This is NOT a happy day!"

Truth.

 Third of all, I got a flat tire.

First one ever and it sucked.

Oh, and then the next day, Luke hit the van with the car while he was backing out of the driveway.  

Perfect! *

(Luckily, it was minor.)

 Fourth - Brooklyn got her first black eye. 

The kids were at practice with me (mistake #1) and they were running from the hot tub to the ice machine (mistake #2) which was around a sharp corner (mistake #3) and they both do not like to look where they are going when running from the hot tub to the ice machine (mistake #4).

 Aubrey's head met Brooklyn's eye and a lot of screaming and crying and hugging ensued.

Parenthood: 
Nailed It.

Fifth: Cameron has gotten 8 teeth in this month.

He's been delightful. *

Sixth: We have lost 7 things.  

I. HATE. LOSING. THINGS.

So far the list includes: 

-Cameron's super cute shoes

-Cameron's other super cute shoes

-my brand new sunglasses (lost the first time I wore them.)

-Aubrey's favorite shirt (that she wore ONE time!)

-At least 5 binkis

-My $10 Target photo gift card

-Aubrey's sparkling gold headband

Hopefully, we are now leaving Suckville.

And NEVER coming back.

Resolutions Schmesolutions (& A Very New Beginning)

Friends.

Today is January the 13th and already, I have failed you.  

I promised myself I would be more on top of blogging this year. 

 (Cause believe it or not - there is even MORE awesomeness that goes on around this house that you don't even know about!  I know - mind blown.)

 But in my defense, I promised myself this at 2:37am on January 1st while the neighbor's dogs barked their heads off and woke up me and all my kids while I was home alone and Luke was working graveyards and my throat felt like I swallowed  a piece of sandpaper.  

I promised a lot of people a lot of things that night. 

(Full disclosure: I promised the neighbors I would kill them if they didn't shut up.)

And that is how the New Year started.

Alone.

Grumpy.

Sick.

And Tired.

Luckily, it's gotten better.

Lots.

 

Except in the Resolution Department. 

Problem #1: I made my resolutions under the fore-mentioned conditions. 

I am not to be blamed. 

The neighbors are to be blamed.

 

Problem #2: Resolutions require work and I'm just about all worked-out. 

Mentally.  So not physically.

Problem #3: Brooklyn.  Aubrey.  Cameron. 

Nuff said.

It's not going well, friends.

Although, one of my Resolutions was to stop talking badly about people.  Suddenly I've decided that I just shouldn't. 

That one (so far), I've kept.  

("The Bachelor" excluded.  But c'mon, those girls are asking for it.)

It has been refreshingly  nice.

Anyways.  Switching gears. 

There has been a new and recent and very significant change since the new year.

I now have not one, but two KINDERGARTENERS!

Aubrey flippin' goes to Kindergarten.

Technically, it's Transitional Kindergarten (meaning she'll still be in Kindergarten next year), but technically, she doesn't care.

 And neither do I.  

(More full disclosure: I know some people might not agree with our decision to start her in Kindergarten early.  It was a decision that was made with prayer and talking and discussing and weighing and pondering and fighting and back and fourths and so much more.  It was the decision that we - being her parents - felt was right.  That is all.)

It took her all of about 2 seconds to be instant friends with the entire student body.  That's how she rolls.

And it didn't hurt that her sweet older sister was there to help her out.

Brooklyn  paraded her around the school yard like a show puppy.  

Seriously precious stuff.

And Cameron was thrilled about having his mom all to himself.

The kid can't share worth squat.

She told me later that day that while she was standing in this line, the boy in front of her said that he always eats his buggers.

Therefore, I'm OK with the fact that she's standing alone.

But she should know that Kindergartener or not - she'll never, ever be alone.

Celebrity Look-A-Like #14

So far we've seen...

The Snuggle Bear

Cindy Lou Who

The Phillsbury Dough Boy

Edward Scissor Hands

The Joker

Cee Lo

Elton John

Justin Bieber

Mr. Clean

Vin Diesel

Puss in Boots

Mr. Rogers

Megamind

Jack Jack

and NOW...

 

UNCLE SCROOGE.