Isn't It Ironic?

Lately, some strange things are happening. 

First, a few weeks ago I mentioned on this blog that we were quote: "Swept up in a crap tornado," and then a short while later we were almost literally swept up in a tornado!

This is a picture of the actual tornado that touched down near our home.  We didn't see it because we were hiding alone (no Luke) in our bathtub under a mattress while the tornado sirens were wailing and I was kissing my children goodbye.  

(That was a little morbid.  But it was scary and I hate tornadoes, okay?)

Then, a few days ago, I was talking to a friend and made the following comment: "I'm so glad Spring is finally here.  At least there's no more snow."  

The next morning I woke to this:

Are you flippin' kidding me?!

Oh, and about a week before HairGate, I told my good friend that "Aubrey would never cut hear own hair."  

I actually said those words.  

With my own mouth.

And we all know how that worked out.

 

Isn't it ironic? 

Aubrey and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

When I was young, my mother read me a book called, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day."  It's a tale of an unfortunate child who meets one disaster after another in one day of never-ending heartbreak and tragedy.

This kid has nothing on Aubrey.

 

 

You've already seen the fruits of the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...

(Reminder:)

...but here's how it all went down.  

I was working.  

It's all Luke's fault.  

I'll be mad until next Christmas when it fully grows back. 

Aubrey was coloring some pictures on the kitchen table and Luke was watching a movie with Brooklyn on the couch (about 10 feet away).  Aubrey's hair kept getting in her eyes and "bugging" her, so she took matters into her own hands.  

Literally.  

And with her two hands she chopped herself her very own mullet.  

(You know how they say "A picture is worth a thousand words?"  Well, I can think of ten thousand words for this one.

And they are all swear words.)

And that is how my curly haired princess turned into a member of Green Day.

The end.

It's A....

BOY!!!!!!!! 

CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

If there is anyone still reading this blog, I would first like to say: 

1.) I apologize for my less-than-average blogging performance lately.  Thanks for sticking it out.

2.) You'll be glad you stuck it out, because we have exciting news.  

Like, REALLY, REALLY EXCITING NEWS. 

(And I think you know what that means.)

Now, before we proceed, I realize that my honesty report card leaves much to be desired.  

And I know we've had "really, really exciting news" before.  

(See here, here, here, and here.)

But this time, I have indisputable proof.  

Exhibit A: This blog.

Exhibit B: I have gained 8 lbs. and have not stopped eating for more than 45 seconds. 

Exhibit C: I peed on a stick.  Which really confused my children.

 

Exhibit D: I included Aubrey in a picture because I've used this tactic before, but this time it's for real.  And I knew you'd want proof.

Exhibit E: My daughter drew this picture: 

 

Exhibit F: My doctor drew this picture:

 

This time it's for real.  

And we are ecstatic.

St. Patrick's Day in 11 pictures and 13 sentances.

In celebration of.....um..... celebration of........   

(what does St. Patrick's Day celebrate?!) 

this extremely festive holiday, I dragged my children to the semi-famous Des Moines St. Patrick's Day Parade and this is what we saw. 

There were men wearing skirts.

There were darling little leprechauns 

 There were sunglass-wearing ducks that made Brooklyn (see her head in the bottom left corner...?) bolt in terror.

 There was one little girl who waited forever to be quick enough to snatch herself some candy and when she did, this is what she got:

 There was a float (yes,singular).

  

There was a creepy tattoo-faced man with no teeth that was far too eager to show the kids his sword. 

 There was a mom who just wanted one decent picture of her and her kids celebrating (still not sure what we're celebrating...) and this is how that turned out for her:

 There were the world's coolest girls in every shade of green you can imagine.

 There was a little bit of intoxication.

 (Don't be fooled by the picture - I was intoxicated with FUN.)

 And...

there was an amazing time and great memories with the coolest friends in the world.

Dear Winter, I'm over you.

Yesterday, it hit 55. 

People in California would be huddled around their furnaces with heated blankets wearing fur coats and drinking hot chocolate.

 

But not us. 

Naturally, we were at the beach. 

And despite the fact that there were masses of ice floating casually in the water, we had ourselves a really great day.

 

Although, I sincerely hope that the next time we visit the beach it will involve sunscreen, towels, and swimsuits.  And I hope the only ice involved is the ice floating in my drink.

Bring on the spring.   

We're ready.

I. Hated. February. (...and my first book review)

Friends.  

Oh, how I've missed you. 

I apologize for setting a new record in blog neglecting, but if you had any idea what the last 3 weeks have held for us, you'd let me off the hook.  

I promise I missed you way more than you missed me.  

This past month has been a crap tornado in which we were swept up, spun around till we puked, and then dropped on our heads.  

It seriously sucked.

Here are the highlights: 

1.) For 12 days, the only time I got off the couch was to throw up.

2.) I lost all desire to do anything that did not include a remote control, Oreo ice cream, or having my eyes closed.  

3.) That's pretty much all you missed.

Next year, we are skipping February.

On one happy note though, I discovered the secret to getting some guilt-free Mommy time.  

It's a book. 

This book:  

 

Every time we went to Barnes & Noble (which is more often than I would like to admit), Brooklyn would beeline it for this book, plop herself down in the middle of the isle and for the next little while she was - for all intents and purposes - dead to the world.  

 The employees started to look at me weird after an hour, so I bought it. 

We brought it home on Wednesday, and they've been reading it ever since.  

Brooklyn knows most of the animals already from watching "Planet Earth," but it never ceases to amaze me the incredible details and astounding facts that she remembers.

  I was a little shocked, however, to discover that the book was slightly more PG-13 than I initially realized.

It contains graphic depictions of people dying horrible and painful deaths.  

My kids can't get enough. 

And that is what we've been up to.