Our Visit to Suckville

*Warning: This post should be read as if dripping with sarcasm.  (Sarcasm is my coping mechanism. Also rambling.  I may do both in this post.)  My kids have been struggling to grasp the concept of sarcasm lately.  For example, the day that Cameron got hold of a blue marker and decided to express his creativity all over the wall, I very sarcastically said, "Oh, wow, Cameron.  That is absolutely beautiful."  To which Aubrey responded, "I know!  He is amazing!!"  

No.  

Just - No.

So, in case you struggle like my children, I will emphasize every time I am being sarcastic with one of these: *.

You're welcome.  

The last few weeks have been my favorite. *

First of all, we discovered we had a underslab water leak in the house.  Yay!! ****

The water was turned off for a few solid days, which wasn't a big deal, because we hardly ever even use water at all. *  Except for showers.... and drinking.... and dishes.... and laundry.... and cleaning.... and hand washing.... and cooking... and bathing... and watering plants... and flushing #2's.

Luckily, my super sweet friend let us intrude all over her privacy and bathe our naked bodies over at her house on day #3.

It was one of our finest moments. *

Also, the leak was fixed with no drilling, jackhammering, explosions, or bulldozers.  And it was less than $300 to fix.  So, sadly, I'll take it.

 Second of all, Cameron almost died and then I almost killed myself.

We decided that it would be super fun to head to the park one day for a lovely little picnic.  The girls jumped on their bikes, I loaded Cameron into his little push-car-thingy and off we went.  About 30 seconds into our little trip, both girls discovered (the hard way) that our street is not exactly flat.  In fact, it's rather quite steep. 

Brooklyn was able to save herself, but Aubrey - not so much.

She went flying (and I mean FLYING) down the sidewalk swirving, rocking, screaming, crying, and dangerously zooming towards the street with no sign of being able to stop herself. 

It wasn't looking good, folks.

So, I pushed Cameron over to one side of the sidewalk, hoping the grass would slow him down, and sprinted to save Aubrey.  

She was in hysterics.

She was getting closer and closer to the curb and closer and closer to the street.  

Her front tire went off the curb, she flipped over her bike, and I caught her head about a foot off the ground.  

Unfortunately, that was about the time that I turned around to see Cameron flying down the sidewalk towards us (quite enjoying himself, actually).  We were about a  house away from him already and there was nothing we could do except watch as his little car went barreling toward the curb.  It went right over, flipping completely upside down, slamming his unprotected head into the asphalt, and dragging him a few feet while he was trapped underneath his overturned car.  

By the time I got to  him and flipped him over, the bump on  his head was already the size of a golf ball.

(It's about half as big in the pictures as it was right when it happened.)

His lip and chin were cut and bleeding and everyone in the family (no exceptions) was wailing.  Big time.  Tears. And snot. And one or two snot bubbles.  It was very attractive to the neighbors, I'm sure. *

Aubrey's first intelligible sentence was, "This is NOT a happy day!"

Truth.

 Third of all, I got a flat tire.

First one ever and it sucked.

Oh, and then the next day, Luke hit the van with the car while he was backing out of the driveway.  

Perfect! *

(Luckily, it was minor.)

 Fourth - Brooklyn got her first black eye. 

The kids were at practice with me (mistake #1) and they were running from the hot tub to the ice machine (mistake #2) which was around a sharp corner (mistake #3) and they both do not like to look where they are going when running from the hot tub to the ice machine (mistake #4).

 Aubrey's head met Brooklyn's eye and a lot of screaming and crying and hugging ensued.

Parenthood: 
Nailed It.

Fifth: Cameron has gotten 8 teeth in this month.

He's been delightful. *

Sixth: We have lost 7 things.  

I. HATE. LOSING. THINGS.

So far the list includes: 

-Cameron's super cute shoes

-Cameron's other super cute shoes

-my brand new sunglasses (lost the first time I wore them.)

-Aubrey's favorite shirt (that she wore ONE time!)

-At least 5 binkis

-My $10 Target photo gift card

-Aubrey's sparkling gold headband

Hopefully, we are now leaving Suckville.

And NEVER coming back.