The next morning, we woke up to the most beautiful shoreline ever.
The
water was the color of Kool-Aid. It kind of looked like the toilet
water that some people used to have that I thought was really cool a
long time ago and now I just think is kind of creepy.
After disembarking and dodging about 12 people who were trying to take pictures with us, we stumbled onto beautiful Cozumel.
My
first impressions were that it was really hot, the t-shirts were really
perverted, and people seemed very drunk for 10 am. It was fun to walk
around and browse some of the authentic shops, even if the people there
are outside their senses. (No. I do not want to buy a $10 bandana with a picture of Bob Marley on it. So stop.)
Oh, and I got hit on by a cop.
So that was fun.
So that was fun.
Since we had absolutely no plan for what to do after arriving in
Cozumel, we decided to start a bidding war over our services. The price
for zip lining through the cruise line was $95 a person. We used our
master negotiation skills and scored a zip line/cab ride/glass bottom
boat ride/snorkeling trip for $60 a person.
Go us.
Go us.
In
all honestly, it was terrifying handing some random man $600 cash
(there were 10 of us) and not knowing his name, his business name, his
phone number, his criminal history, or his level of integrity.
Especially
since he promised us he would be going with us and then "pulled a fast
one" (as my dad would say) and calmly waved good-bye to us from the curb
as we pulled away in a 1984 Astro van (AKA the cab) and drove off into
the jungle.
I thought we were going to be either murdered and sold for parts, or trafficked into the sex trade.
But lucky for us, they actually delivered.
The first stop was zip lining.
We
started by being strapped into a harness by some very sweet Cozumelians
(made that word up). I politely asked him if anyone had ever fallen
out of the harness before to which he responded, "Oh, yea."
I silently prayed that it was just a language miscommunication.
The
first step was to hike to the top of a very handmade tower. The higher
you got, the more it swayed, and when our guide had us all line up on
one side, I was certain it was going to tip right over.
Once we got off the towers, it was awesome. I could have zipped along all day.
Luke was a pro on his first round (surprise, surprise) and he was showing us all up in no time.
This picture cracks me up. No, he is not giving birth to me. And no, he is not pooping me out. 
After our zip lining excursion, we did a little more shopping, tried
some Mexican rootbeer, and headed out on our glass bottom boat ride.
In my head, I had pictured - well - a glass bottom boat.
Let's be real.
It was a fishing boat with a 1x3 foot port hole.
You'll
just have to take my word that we went snorkeling. Cause we did. We
saw Nemo and Dory and a sting ray and then I got very ocean sick and
thought I was going to barf right there on the coral reef.
Luke had a really great time, though.
While on the boat, we met a really amazing magician. He told us that he is India's version of David Blane. I believe him.
Then for the next 2 days...
well, to be honest,
I don't remember.
I know we spent some time on the deck laying out,
winning more trophies (I even got my hands on one),
FINALLY convincing Bruce to rock the mic for his first-ever Eminem karaoke debut,
(it was amazing)
enjoying Luke bring the house down with "It's the End of the World As We Know It."
He did not miss a single word. 'Twas might impressive.
And
we played games, drank delicious drinks, watched people loose a
disgusting amount of money gambling, witnessed the best "Newlywed Game"
show ever, attended a dance party in which we somehow became involved in
a massive congo line, ate about 14 ice cream cones in one night, played
the most ridiculous game of mini golf, listened to a comedian talk
about Disneyland (I could relate), played card games until we couldn't
see straight, and had the best family vacation known to man.
And then we returned to real life.
The End.
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