I Survived: Yellowstone

My girls recently discovered the "I Survived" books about all kinds of crazy disasters + attacks + tragedies and the people who survived them.

This is the survival story of a family who took on unicorns + boiling pools of acid + primitive beasts + ancient Volcanos + really terrifying bathrooms...
and lived to tell.


A few weeks ago we were talking as a family and one of the kids asked about volcanoes.  Luke prudently used the opportunity to explain to them that we live super close to Yellowstone, and if it exploded we would all die a horribly painful instant death.  (Thanks for that, babe.)  And then we realized that we should totally go see this super awesome natural phenomenon that can kill us at any given second (Why not, right??).  So we did.  And it was amazing. 

We started by heading to the hotel which just happened to be on the edge of this super private pristine lake that we actually found out was private property and not in fact for hotel guests.  But we made ourselves right at home and besides the part where our giant unicorn got blown out into the middle of the hypothermia-inducing lake and the kids almost drown trying to swim back to us... it was pretty freaking awesome.

After our refreshing swim in the lake we headed to the Imax for a movie and then to the Bear and Wolf Conservatory.  

We spent the night playing games on the edge of the lake, exploring washed-up boats, watching American Ninja Warrior (Aubrey has decided she'll win this show one day), taking mom and kid selfies, and falling asleep fully dressed.

In the morning, we set out for our adventure in Yellowstone.

Our first stop was Old Faithful.  We got there at the exact right moment and got to witness the glory of the earth's most beautiful fart.

It smelled like a fart.  It looked like a fart.  I'm even going to say it tasted a little like a fart.

But we liked it.

And while we're on the topic, the Old Faithful Visitor's Center had these super helpful bathroom signs and the worst part is that you know it's been a serious issue if they have to illustrate how to sit on the toilet.

After Old Faithful, we basically just walked on the trails and tried to keep our children from falling into the steaming pits of acid.

(We literally put the fear 'o satan in them and promised them that one toenail off the path would result in their instant and excruciating death.  You can award me my Parent-of-the-Year trophy whenever you're ready.  Please and thanks.)

I honestly don't know what it is about this place, but even knowing that one drop would melt my flesh off, I still kinda wanted to dive right in.

AmIright?!?

I have a theory that Yellowstone is actually a mermaid and fairy creature sanctuary and they just pretend there are flesh-eating-acid-pools so no one discovers their magical secret.

(Oooooooooooooooh - future book idea....???)

We also got to stalk a buffalo that was just chilling on the side of the road.  

Aubrey was an anxiety-ridden-panic-attacking-space-case and was positive that massive beast that was peacefully grazing in the woods was about to charge and kill. 

Oh wait, that was me.

Despite the on-and-off rain, the no-showing bears, and the total lack of acceptable bathroom facilities, 

we had THE best time surviving Yellowstone.

The End.