Life is a Pumpkin Patch

*(dislaimer: this post was written well past midnight after drinking an entire Mt. Dew and eating a whole bag of watermelon sourpatch. i can not be held responsible for anything that occurs under these conditions. for future reference though, i promise to refrain myself from blogging after 11:30pm. your welcome.)

I've been doing some VERY serious thinking, and I've decided that I would like to be a philosopher.

Plato, Socrates, Aristotle, Confucius, Ashley Webb.
It sooooo fits.

So as I was spending the day at the Pumpkin Patch with Thing 1 and Thing 2 (this might be our Halloween costumes - I'm trying to make it stick...), I decided to try my hand at philosiphysing.
I think it went well.
So here (for the history books), are the deep and most profound philosophical ponderings of Ashley Webb.
(Spell-check wants me to change "ponderings" to
"waunderings" - which may be more fitting.)

"LIFE IS A PUMPKIN PATCH"

*Life is a pumpkin patch. Some pumpkins are fat, some are small, some are misshapen, some are covered with cancerous growths, and some are rotten. But in the pumpkin patch of life, all pumpkins are orange.
(See? I'm a natural.)

*Life is a pumpkin patch.
Sometimes you are up.
Sometimes you are down. And sometimes you are stuck in the metaphorical middle on the teeter-totter of life.
And there is nothing you can do about it except pray that your mother stops laughing long enough to help.

*In life's pumpkin patch, there are hay bales that must be climbed. But remember: he who climes the highest will fall the farthest.
(I made that one up all by myself. I know you don't believe me, but seriously, I did.)
*While in life's pumpkin patch, you will make friends.
Some friends will like you only when you have goat food in your hand, but the truest friends are those who lick your hand even when the crumbs are long gone.


*The difference between being on an unknown journey and being lost is simply a matter of viewpoint.
And in a corn maze, you are both.

*He who runs behind the tractor is exhausted, he who runs in front of the tractor is tired.
(Give it a minute.... give it a minute....)

*When life gives you a corn pool...
Make a corn-angel.
And then tackle your sister.

*Life is a pumpkin patch. Sometimes, the pumpkins may look perfectly round and orange and smooth. But when you look more closely, you discover that they are covered in spiders.
It is at that point that you can: 1. kill the spiders. 2. scream. 3. continue to play in the pumpkins.
1 and 2 are the correct answers.
(Wow. We are learning so many life lessons today.)

*In the pumpkin patch of life, there will be go-carts. Sometimes these go-carts will get stuck in the mud and you will watch as your friends leave you in the dust. But just remember, it is better to have tried and come in last than never to have tried at all.
(I'm tearing up...)

*Washing your hands in water that goats drink out of kind of defeats the purpose.

*In the pumpkin patch of life, sometimes your tank will be butt-empty. And you will be miles from a gas station. It is then that you may panic.

*Life is a pumpkin patch, and you must never be afraid to try new things.
Remember, amateurs build the Arc, professionals built the Titanic.

*In the pumpkin patch of life, you may find yourself laboring for hours to feed a lonely and hungry cow. And then you will realize that the cow is fake, and you just wasted valuable moments of your life that you will never get back.
(There is no lesson in this one.... only a message. And a warning.)

*As you slide down the tunnel of life, may all the splinters be going in the right direction.

*I smile; therefore, I am.

*We are what we repeatedly do. Love, then, is not an act, but a habit.

Life is a pumpkin patch.