Our Five Year Old Felon

Case Number: CJW09272011
Incident: Turning One Year Older
Date: September 27, 2016
Reporting Offer: Ashley C. Webb

Official Police Report:
At approximately 2:16pm on Tuesday, September 27th the perp Cameron Webb, age 5, was reported by neighbors for turning a year older and charged with a disorderly conduct citation because this is absolutely illegal and such behavior will not be tolerated.  Suspect is currently being charged with felony-count ageing and will be required to perform 70 hours of community service, and also will not be able to grow any older.

THE FACE

Bailey regularly makes what I have lovingly dubbed "The Face."  (Don't let my creativity blow you away guys.)  It's a cross between a bathroom-selfie-duck-face + Phelp's Face + a botched plastic surgery lip injection.  She just walks around with her face looking like this.  

And   I   flippin'   L O V E   It.

The Vegas Dash

 This weekend we went to Vegas for the most epic, extraordinary, legendary, fabulous, unbelievable birthday party of ALL time.  

Before the party we met up with our old Iowa Besties (fun fact: we met in the church library when she complimented my sweater and I told her it made me feel like a 90 year old librarian and then the actual 90 year old librarian glared at me).  We ate dinner at Serendipity and found a Buddhist shrine and contemplated kidnapping their baby cause she is actually the squishiest baby eeeeever and I wanted to eat her thighs for dessert.

 Then we partied. so. hard.

No.  We didn't.

We actually watched "Stranger Things" in bed and ate candy and went to sleep at 9:30.

ROCK. STARS.

The next day, the Vegas Dash 2016 began with some trash talking and a group breakfast with this crazy cool group of people.  They are fun and awesome and like family.  I seriously love these guys.

 ... but I'm also extremely competitive and I wanted to beat them all.  :)

So, basically the day was one big fat Amazing Race all over Las Vegas to all the greatest places to do all the greatest things.

Stop #1 was Speed Raceway and we started in dead. last. but Luke got us back into 5th with his mad Nascar evasive maneuvers.

 Stop #2 was a trampoline park where we dominated in dodge ball (aka hid in the corner like a scared child and tried not to die.)  Oh, and there was a slam dunk contest in which people took of their shirts and things got weird.  And awesome. 

 Stop #3 was the Welcome to Vegas sign in which I jumped out of a moving car in the middle of a highway and photobombed at least 3 dozen Asian's vacation photographs.

(No time for pics, obviously.)

Stop #4 was the Archery Range where we discovered how much we suck at archery.  We still had a great time though and that one time that I hit the target was ah-maaaaaz-ing.

Stop #5 was The Container where we had to run through a shopping center and buy 3 particular birthday presents + get 30 people to sign a birthday card + get 10 people to leave Alec a video birthday message.  (No time for pics when there are rubber balls to buy.)

Stop #6 was the Zip Line through Downtown Vegas and I had the pleasure of feeling like I was seconds from falling to my death.  (Which was strangely terrifyingly fun.)

 Stop #7 was dessert at Luv-It where we found out we were in a solid almost last place and ate the yummiest "Alec Special".

 ...and Stop #8 was back to the house where we came in at (read it, suckas!) THIRD PLACE!

Considering the stiff competition, we'll take it.

And that's how the VERY best birthday party I've ever been to went.

(Happy Nerdy 30, Alec!  And good job on marrying the Queen of the World.  :)

Summer 2016

VOTE BROOKLYN 2016

This year's U.S. election has become quite the political circus.  It's basically a choice between a felony-committing spawn of Satan or a salty, trollish, crude and immature manwhore.

Decisions, decisions.

But anywaaaaays, Brooklyn walked into the kitchen a month ago and announced that she was running for Publicity Chair on her school's Student Council.  After I picked my jaw up off the floor and cleaned out my ears to make sure I had not in fact heard an imaginary voice from the farthest reaches of my imagination, we got to work on her campaign.  All the ideas were hers (I almost ugly cried when she said she wanted an "emoji theme".  Like... what... is.... that...?!), but they turned out awesome.

She was the very first one to give her election speech (which she slaaaayed!) and she'll be the cutest little Publicity Chair in the school's history.  (Cause of course, she won!!!)

Now we'll just have to get her to run for President in the 2044 Election and pray there's still a government to run for.

Celebrity Look-A-Like

Since the Olympics are over (we're in denial) and it's been a while since my last Celebrity-Look-A-Like post, here's our most recent celebrity sighting.

BAILEY ES UNO!

 Bailey is officially UNO year old.

In honor of her first year, we had a mini-fiesta with family and of course I was too busy making 9,000 enchilladas to take any good pictures.  But it was great and we adore this girl to pieces.

So, for her first birthday post, here are the single greatest things about our Bailey Jane.

 ONE thing Bailey couldn't live without:

Jagger

 ONE thing Bailey can't stand:

When her mom tries to wipe her buggers.

 ONE thing Bailey could eat every day of her life:

Pasta.

 ONE thing Bailey likes to play with:

Whatever Cameron is currently playing with.

 ONE thing that makes Bailey unique:

She gets super uncomfortable and awkward when people look at her for too long.

 ONE thing that I think Bailey will be when she grows up:

A vet with a rock climbing hobby.

 ONE thing about Bailey that will never change:

She will always be loved and adored by each of us.

Happy Birthday Bailey!

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

 'Twas the night before Back-to-School and all through the house...

I was singing and dancing (not at all like a mouse.)

 And even though I was a little (teeny, tiny, like maybe 1%) sad about it, I am thrilled because 

a.) this summer couldn't have been better

b.) the kids all got the best teachers ever

c.) it was SOOOOOOO time.  for all of us.

 

 It's going to be a great year.

Oh, What Do You Do in the Summertime...?

1. Oh, what do you do in the summertime, when all the world is green?
   Do you climb up your chair...?
   
   And not comb your hair...?
   
    and basically just live in the pool?Do you hit the jackpot...
   and swim (cause it's hot!)...and get burried alive in a cart? 
   ... Do you chase ice cream trucks? 
   ... and eat Bahama Bucks? 
   ... and enjoy some girly craft time?
   Is that what you do?!
   So do I!
   Oh, what do you do in the summertime when all the world is hot?
   Do you swim in the pool?

...and try to stay cool...  ...or swing in a tree up high?

 Do you practice your flips?

 ...and go on beach trips...

 ... Drop your head in the sand?

 And get really tanned? 

Eat a tasty, sweet treat

and play in the street...

 Is that what you do?!

So do I!

Oh, what do you do in the summertime, when mom starts loosing her mind?

Do you spend a whole day

learning the way

to be nice to each other 'n play?

 Do you set up a spa?

 and hike in Utah?

 Do you climb rocks by the sea?

 And take bad selfies?

 Do you watch the red skies?

And cover your eyes?

 ...And complain that that's way, way too high?

Is that what you do?!

So do I!

On your anniversary date...

 ... do you make it so great?

By going to I-K-E-A?!

(and also the temple...)

Do you have the best times?

And run out of rhymes?

 And wonder how quick it went by.

Is that what you do?!

So do I!!