Dear Future Husband of my newly toddlerized child,
Today your wife left the magical kingdom of Babyland and entered into The Toddlight Zone, a terrifying land of rebellion, tantrums, defiance, and general unpleasantness. As I'm sure by now she has left the Toddlight Zone, danced through ChildWorld, skipped through TeenageTown and made her treacherous way through SingleSuburbs, I hope you know that she never stopped being our baby. And even when you both are blessed with babies of your own, to us she will always be the little girl with pigtails and bows, carrying her dirty blue bear and crawling into our bed in the middle of the night.
And so, being the perfect and generous future mother-in-law that I am, I'm going to offer you my valuable expertise which I'm sure you will find indispensable as you both commence on the wonderful journey of marriage. Because if you so much as think about breaking my daughter's heart, so help me, I will hunt you down and make you cry.
So here you go.
The Proper Care and Feeding of Aubrey Webb
Aubrey likes movies. However, she does not like movies that do not include: dogs, toys, cars, Barbies, Care Bears, green ogres, floating houses, or classical music.
Aubrey likes being chased. Aubrey hates being caught.
Do NOT under any circumstances let her see, smell, or hear (yes, she can hear it) candy if you have no intention of sharing (OK, giving) it all to her.
She has to walk in front. Just go with it.
Do not do anything for Aubrey that she is capable of doing herself. (You may even consider forgoing the whole gentlemanly door-opening thing. Unless you don't mind screaming, kicking, and weeping on every single one of your dates.)
Wear your seat-belt when she drives. Trust me, just do it.
She's fast. So hold on tight.
Aubrey is kind of a wimp, but just give her a Band-Aid (yes, even if it's not bleeding. yes, I know it's a waste of a perfectly good Band-Aid. yes, I know she already has a Band-Aid on every finger. Again, just do it.)
Chocolate Milk.
Write it down.
C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E M-I-L-K.
You can thank me later.
And if all else fails,
just love her.
The kid just wants to be loved.
Which lucky for us will never be a problem.
Happy Birthday Aubrey.
And so, being the perfect and generous future mother-in-law that I am, I'm going to offer you my valuable expertise which I'm sure you will find indispensable as you both commence on the wonderful journey of marriage. Because if you so much as think about breaking my daughter's heart, so help me, I will hunt you down and make you cry.
So here you go.
The Proper Care and Feeding of Aubrey Webb
Aubrey likes movies. However, she does not like movies that do not include: dogs, toys, cars, Barbies, Care Bears, green ogres, floating houses, or classical music.
Aubrey likes being chased. Aubrey hates being caught.
Do NOT under any circumstances let her see, smell, or hear (yes, she can hear it) candy if you have no intention of sharing (OK, giving) it all to her.
She has to walk in front. Just go with it.
Do not do anything for Aubrey that she is capable of doing herself. (You may even consider forgoing the whole gentlemanly door-opening thing. Unless you don't mind screaming, kicking, and weeping on every single one of your dates.)
Wear your seat-belt when she drives. Trust me, just do it.
She's fast. So hold on tight.
Aubrey is kind of a wimp, but just give her a Band-Aid (yes, even if it's not bleeding. yes, I know it's a waste of a perfectly good Band-Aid. yes, I know she already has a Band-Aid on every finger. Again, just do it.)
Chocolate Milk.
Write it down.
C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E M-I-L-K.
You can thank me later.
And if all else fails,
just love her.
The kid just wants to be loved.
Which lucky for us will never be a problem.
Happy Birthday Aubrey. 
8 comments:
So cute! They grow so fast. It was great seeing you as well - I had a lot of fun :) Too bad we can't get together more often. Anyway; my e-mail address is kbmilius@hotmail.com Thanks so much! I look forward to seeing the pics!
Happy Birthday Aubrey! Can you believe we were presenting that darned Masonic Hall 2 years ago?! Crazy!! And to Ashley, you are the best blogger in my book. Your blogs make me laugh, cry, and wish I was as witty as you! Miss you guys!
Happy Birthday Aubrey!! You are such a beautiful, fun girl.
awww... so cute!!! I love it and cannot believe she is another year older!!!! Happy birthday Aubrey :)
Ashley you are so freakin funny! I loved this post and made flash cards for both of my boys to study so they will have a heads up on the competition when it comes to winning Aubrey's heart!
Love and miss you all. Can't wait to see you in a couple of weeks, however cute little Aubrey won't even remember us. Thanks Ashley for keeping this blog so we can see what your all doing and for keeping us entertained! Love ya!
Ashley you are hilarious. Loved this post. Happy Birthday to Aubrey!
PRECIOUS! The pics are beautiful... they got me a bit misty ;)
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